Mono vs. Poly: Round 2

“Imagine You & Me” is movie out on DVD with Piper Perabo, Lena Headey and Matthew Goode. I watched it last night and liked it...but felt that polyamory would have been a good solution to their problems. A woman marries her lifelong best friend, but discovers love at first sight with the female florist who she exchanges glances with briefly as she walks up the aisle. She just can't leave her new, wonderful husband, but she's discovered that she's really in love with this other woman.

So why not stay married to him and have a serious girlfriend? Why does she have to make a choice? She said she could be satisfied with being married to him for life, but longed to embrace the passion she had discovered with the beautiful Luce. Why not both? Why can't more people in this situation look to polyamory as an option instead of just torturing themselves and those they love by having to choose one or the other?

ACKKKKK!!!

Seriously, I can’t count the number of times I’ve watched a movie and thought, “If only they were poly, life might be so much easier.” What if you didn’t have to feel the need to lie to your partner about having sex and/or relationships with someone else, because it would be okay? What if you didn’t have to divorce your husband because, no matter how hard he tries, he just can’t stop sleeping with other women…and you can just be happy for him because sex feels good and he’s getting a lot of it?

What if Guinevere and Lancelot could have had their passionate love affair with the full knowledge and support of the king and the people? Perhaps Camelot would have survived. If Scarlett could have had a week away with Ashley, and Rhett would have been understanding of it? Maybe “Gone with the Wind” would have had a happier ending than “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” (Thank goodness for “Scarlett,” the sequel!)

Think of all the pain and hard choices that could be avoided if only polyamory were considered a more viable option in society. What if you could promise “Until death do us part…” at your wedding, knowing that you can spend the rest of your life loving this partner, as well as anyone else you might fall for along the way?

To me, monogamy just seems so challenging…though the majority of Americans choose it, or at least, attempt it. How can one deny the opportunity for additional love? How can one divorce a spouse they care about just because someone new steps into the picture? How can one promise that they will never fall in love with another person, if they’ve not met all the people in the world yet?

Why does the monogamous heart only have room for one true love?

As a good friend said, paraphrasing Jessica Rabbit, “They can’t help it, they’re drawn that way.”

So many people question polyamory and polygamy. I question monogamy.

Send questions and/or comments to Polypositivity@gmail.com.