Girlfriend Causes Sleepless Nights

Dear Elizabeth,

When my husband has his girlfriend over for the night, I sleep in another room to give them privacy. However, even when I do not hear the noises from their lovemaking, I find myself lying awake, wondering what is happening in there. As a result, I don't get much sleep when she's over. What should I do?
--Sleepless in West Seattle

Dear Sleepless,

Why are you wondering what is happening in there? Do you want to be involved? Would you like to watch? These are valid desires, and perhaps you should talk to your husband about them. On the other hand, if her being there with him is just a distraction that interferes with your sleep pattern, there are a number of solutions. One might be to have him stay over at her place instead, if feasible. You might also consider allowing yourself to keep the main bed and send them to the extra bedroom. Getting a good night's sleep out of your normal comfort zone can be a challenge for anyone. The most important thing is to discuss this with your husband and come up with a solution that works for you both.

Dear Elizabeth,

My wife only climaxes when our girlfriend goes down on her. Before we met our girlfriend, I had no problem bringing my wife to orgasm...but now, it doesn't matter what I do; only our girlfriend can make her cum. I don't want to admit to her how inadequate this is making me feel; but it's starting to affect my performance in other ways, too.
--Inadequate in Issaquah

Dear Issaquah (I refuse to call you "Inadequate"),

We all go through phases where different things do it for us. It seems that at the moment, your girlfriend is managing to please your wife exceptionally well. Isn't this wonderful? But then, I can understand your frustration. I had a boyfriend that didn't climax...ever. At first, it was amazing...hours upon hours of sex, orgasm after orgasm (mine) and still he didn't have need to stop. But after awhile, hell, it was just annoying. I wanted to feel the satisfaction of making him lose control...and I finally told him so. He confided in me the one thing that did cause him to climax...and thus, I found the key to making us both happy.

Get down with your girlfriend between your wife's legs and find out what she's doing that drives her so crazy. And then practice, with the both of them coaching you. Don't get frustrated if it doesn't happen at first...there's a chance that it's actually just the thrill of your girlfriend being involved that is rubbing your wife the right way...and that's likely to wear off before too long.

Email your questions or comments to Elizabeth@sexlifelive.org